Pokemon Zoo

Dear Science,
Why the fuck can't I just go outta my house, go downtown, and go to the fucking Pokemon zoo? Is that so much to ask? I just wanna see some fucking Pokemon. Animals are boring. They don't talk and they don't do shit. They just shit. I don't care about shit. Gimme some animemals.

Now, you could do the pussy thing and just engineer animals that look like Pokemon. As I said, that'd be the pussy thing. You gotta make sure they have all their powers and shit. What the fuck is the point of a pokemon with no powers. I wouldn't visit Goldine at the Zoo. That fish can suck my dick, along with Magikarp. Lazy Welfare pokequeens living off the EXP of upstanding, hardworking joes like Geodude.

What's that you say? Wouldn't they just break out of the zoo if they had their powers? That's a good point except you're still being a pussy. You've gotta develop some kind of stasis cuffs for 'em. Like that time Team Rocket tried to put Pikachu in a rubber bag, except those guys are assholes. Do it right. Engineer the Pokemon. Put 'em stasis cuffs. Keep 'em drugged up, doped up, whatever the fuck you have to do. Because, son, let me tell you, when the ruskies engineer their own Pokemon, and they will, they are going to have their powers and they're all going to be damn able to draw silver sharpie penises. Sorry Ric.

So, science. Get off your sterile ass and get on this shit. Jesus Christ, how many times do I have to tell you.

The New Thomas Jefferson.